I am losing my mind !!! Finally. Thank God ! I have been trying to lose my mind, I think, since I was 12 years old. I packed all of my Little League things in a box in the fall of 1977 and stuck the box in the attic. I never had the right guidance, however, to finish the job. Better late than never.
Got a long run in today. It helped the process of actually losing my mind.
I am taking out the trash !
Here is why I now believe in a higher power : Trombone Shorty !
Here is a the Animal Rescue Site where you can click everyday and provide food for animal shelters through the site’s advertisers. I set it as my home page and click first thing when I log on.
Celeste and I got a mention on Annie’s blog. Here is the link : Annie’s Blog
I also was thinking about my two totaled cars in 2010 ; a Toyota Yaris in January and a VW Wagon in June of that year and this quote from Paul Coehlo came to mind :
” Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.”
I bought new shocks for my wagon in case I drive west and I bought some sheet music for trumpet yesterday: Peanuts and Lord Of The Rings.
Schrödinger’s Cat is an idea experiment that particles are not determined until they are obseverved. Here is the Wikipedia link : Schrödinger’s Cat Experiment.
Basically, my interpretation of it is, that inside the box, the cat is both dead and alive and neither or possibly all, simultaneously .
I believe that everything that is happening at the Quantum Level is happening at a human level and also it is happening somewhere out in the Universe. I recently heard of a gymnast that is now doing 2 full backs with 6 twists on a trampoline. I believe that there is a particle that behaves just like that and probably a galaxy that mimics it as well.
Anyhow, one of my extended thoughts on the experiment is that when two people ( countries ? ) are disagreeing they are both right… and wrong… and neither simultaneously.
Just wanted to write that down before I forget.
That might be a direct proportion. I am not sure; it is just what I am seeing right now.
Here is another thought of mine : put your energy, attention and love on what you are doing right now ! Wether you are writing, talking to a friend, digging a fence post hole,going for a run or doing any aspect of your job. The rest will take care of itself.
I had a dream 3 or 4 nights ago that I was working in Australia in August; about the same time as the Kangaroo Hoppet World Loppet cross country ski race. So I am going to buy my World Loppet Passport and start getting my tickets punched. I would like to be skiing when I am old. That is a long time from now but still ….
Here are some photos from my nephew Michael’s Confirmation last week in Eastern Mass.
Cameron, Michael and Brad
Michael's Grandparents with my mom on the right.
Here is the first part of an excellent interview with George Lukas that Bill Moyers did :
I recently was going over in my head why so many people have helped me out in the last year; which has been a tough one. Family and friends have welcomed me into their homes and put me up; they have given me or found me work. They have fed me; given me clothes; taken me out. Even friends that I have been in touch with only 3 or 4 times a year. WHY ???? I never had much to give except humor and energy. I kind of always thought that those were my gifts and they were the best and most honest things that I could ever give. The problem was it started to run out. Why that happened is very complicated and without going into a long philosophical discussion I will just say that it has to do with knowing, or more accurately not knowing, my intention; and being able to recognize the level of intention that the people around me were / are working at. In physics it would be related to wavelength or frequency.
I have come to except the fact that I have been putting out a lot of love in my energy and humor. No matter how hard I tried to fight that. I received love back because that is what I have been putting out for years. I say that at the risk of sounding like [ please fill in your own collection of adjectives and nouns here : ] but it is important to see “that ONE” emotion through. I am O.K. with the “L” word. Ultimately it should be the only one left standing.
“It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.” -Mother Teresa
I was contacted 2 days ago by Rosilyn Taylor Jordan from Americas Got Talent concerning a spot in April. It is funny; I was offered a couple of chances to audition for AGT in the fall of 2011 but I flat out refused. In the past I would have absolutely no interest in this show. However, I am looking at things differently now that my mind has changed; and I mean that literally; neurologically. It is hard to explain but to change your mind actually takes a concerted effort to break neuro transduction pathways that have been burned in. The show will be as humiliating or dignifying as I choose to make it. And since I know my intention there is only dignity. So I will probably say yes to Rosilyn. Just like a telemark skiing guru from Gore mountain was saying in an instructional video : “flow with the forces that are being generated.” After that I am going out west to figure out what happened with my old partner in comedy Mike Mendola. We walked away from a very funny show in the late 90′s and we both never had any closure. I love that guy. I might even buy some roller skis when I am in California. Who knows ?
In Rocky IV , Duke ( Apollo Creed’s trainer ) tells Rocky that ” … your gonna to have to go through hell; worse than any nightmare that you ever dreamed. But in the end, I know that you will be the one standing. ”
Don Miguel Ruiz states in The Four Agreements that he can give you the tools to stand in the middle of hell and come out smiling. Life is an experiment , right ? Let’s see .
“You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others…you can travel the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can ask for what you need…you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness.” -Don Miguel Ruiz
Here is a song and video from The National that I think got me through 2011; a little melodramatic; oh well :
I worked this week at my cross country skiing buddy Len Collin’s house in Kinderhook, NY. We did some mouse damage rehab on two exterior walls; replaced the insulation with rigid foam and put new drywall back up. Here is how Lenny prepared lunch for me Friday :
I had a dream of Australia
Hello, I have had an action packed week ! On Tuesday I met Annie Keithline , who is a young woman in her 20′s from Rhode Island ; one of my favorite states. Annie is walking across the country over the next 2 years pushing a modified baby stroller with all of her belongings. We joked that the weight of the cart will keep getting lighter as she realizes she needs less and less stuff. That is one of the important parts ! Annie is proof that things are changing fast among the youth. They are “FLYING” , philosophically speaking. She has already figured out things that I am just getting to. Celeste, Annie, Celeste’s childhood friend Sara and Sara’s mom Jeffrey ( that’s right Jeffrey ; this is also important as it is the only female Jeffrey I have ever met in my life; and she is originally from Schenectady , NY ) went out to dinner at Kripalu Yoga Center. We had some great conversation and Jeffrey, Annie and I represented 3 different generations but we were at the SAME LEVEL ! Things are happening fast out there.
Here is a picture of Annie and I enjoying are milk and cookies. This was sent on to Annie’s parents to let them know she is being looked after.
Ritual Milk and Cookies
Now onto “Jeffrey”. Yesterday I finished work at my friend’s Len and Warren’s house and a couple came over to their house for dinner. Their names were Peter and you guessed it “Jeffrey”. Jeffrey told me that it is only the second time in her life that she has heard of another woman named that. I hear it for the first time in 1 week, twice. There are no coincidences !!!!! I will let you know when the other shoe drops.
I am still debating wether or not I want to file my taxes this year. I do not see why I should bother. I am living sort of out of my car and I have no money. What is the point ? I spoke to an accountant friend of mine and he said that he thought many people were not bothering. It is happening. People are walking away. I still might file. I will listen to my gut. If it says not to file then I will not file.
The first quote is from the documentary film “Man On Wire” and it is from the protagonist Phillipe Petit :
“In the middle of all this madness I suddenly had hope.”
The second quote is from Adam Smith who wrote “The Wealth Of Nations” :
“The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another. Avarice over-rates the difference between poverty and riches: ambition, that between a private and a public station: vain-glory, that between obscurity and extensive reputation. The person under the influence of any of those extravagant passions, is not only miserable in his actual situation, but is often disposed to disturb the peace of society, in order to arrive at that which he so foolishly admires. The slightest observation, however, might satisfy him, that, in all the ordinary situations of human life, a well-disposed mind may be equally calm, equally cheerful, and equally contented. Some of those situations may, no doubt, deserve to be preferred to others: but none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardour which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice; or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds, either by shame from the remembrance of our own folly, or by remorse from the horror of our own injustice.”
The cat that Joan and I found hit in November in Poestenkill, NY is doing just fine at Joan’s house and has really taken a shine to her husband. She has named him Crash and and he is as healthy as he is going to be; which is pretty health all things considered.
Skied all last weekend up in Lake Placid, NY. It was pretty good on Saturday and just o.k. on Sunday. I was able to get more of my family on cross country skis. This time it was my brother Brad’s two young boys Cameron and Roman. Their first time on skis and it is at Mt. Van Hovenburg ! Unbelievable !!!
It should be the end of skiing this year. However, if my gut says to buy roller skis for the summer than I will buy roller skis this summer. Geez, I never thought I would be roller skiing ! Celeste and I made the Lake Placid Facebook page. Talk about Facing your demons ! Here is the photo that was taken by Sue and we are posing with her dog Bear.
Lake Placid w/ Bear
Here is the link to the webpage : Lake Placid Facebook
Below are some photos of the camp I did recently at the Parker School with SeanO and Eric Shovah plus some shots of The Millbrook School Circus Intercession :
My friend Frank Torre had a great quote that I will share :
” What comes after I don’t know ? It doesn’t matter ! ” Back when I knew everything, I at least realized that it didn’t matter.
My friend Don Van Patten reminded me while we were talking the other night of the only time he has seen fear in me; and it happened 28 years ago. Donny had his leg amputated and I visited him at the hospital. He said that when I came in to his room I was “white” with fear. It was me looking in the mirror and seeing my own physicality coming to an end. I was even afraid of losing my health when I was in high school. It is time to face that demon as well.
Here is another photo that my brother took of me with an “Original 6″ NHL hat on. Brad bought it for me at the Lake Placid Hockey Store :
New hat for the collection
I just read in Men’s Health magazine that 46 is the new 46. Phwew !!!!!! I was getting worried there for a decade.
I recently found my fear. I had forgotten where I had left it. I found my selfishness about 4 months ago in Tennessee and you can be sure that wherever there is selfishness, fear is right behind it. I found it playing hockey on Wednesday night in Scotia , NY. My fear was, put simply, the way we were treating ourselves and animals and the planet and how we are facing oblivion and we are charging straight for it. Was I the only one who could see this ???
As it turns out we are going to be fine. Sure there are going to be some growing pains but now that I can see THE PLAN, I can get on with the business of living a more productive life. The Masons called God ” The Architect Of The Universe “. I thought it was an allusion to math’s perfection but it is so much more.
I owe my new found insight to Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The 4 Agreements, for giving me the tools ( and ONLY tools ! Not anecdotes and guidelines). And also a thank you to my boyhood friend Chuck Cinelli of Nashville and Cafe CoCo fame, who seems to always be around at pivotal times in my life.
Jean-Guy and Me
Here is a video of a recent “ski jump attempt” at Notchview :
I sold my old Toyota pick-up truck recently. It was time to “let go”. A man named Thomas from Middletown bought it and it could not have gone to a better guy. He sold the box off of the back and went to move the truck inside the garage to pull the fabulous and fabled 22RE engine. Here is what happened next :
And I was thinking of driving this across the country.